I started a new university year on Monday 13th. The first days were dominated by kisses among friends who met after some time. Unfortunately, my few good friends stopped university after the three-year degree, while I have started a two-year "master" in translation, so I had the opportunity to kiss just a couple of girls, namely a friend whom I met at a Slovenian course but she's not of my year, and a friend I met at the summer school in Bovec last year. The first girl didn't mean to kiss me, so I did the first move because she's very nice to me (she always says hello and we sometimes chat a little). On the contrary, the second girl offered her cheek.
It's on such circumstances that I regret that we Italians aren't so kissy-like as other peoples. Anyway, I'm getting to know some girls I only knew by sight or little more. So, I hope I'll get some more kisses before the Christmas holidays.
Yesterday, I went eating a pizza with some friends of my political party. There was only one girl among them. I had already met her, but maybe she didn't remember me well, so we shook hands. I would have preferred to kiss her (she was pretty), but since I am shy, I accepted the handshake. Oh, well, it will be for another time...
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Kissing identity card of ITALY
I will start with my country a series of "kissing identity cards", that is summaries about the practice of the cheek kissing in European countries.
Who kisses who (genders):
women kiss women, men kiss women, men may kiss men (relatives or close friends)
Number of kisses: 2 (standard) or 3
Starting from: the left cheek (your right)
Whom to kiss:
- relatives
- friends
- acquaintances (usually not upon first meeting)
DO kiss:
- upon meeting relatives (even every day, depends on people)
- upon meeting or leaving friends you haven't met or won't meet for a long time
- to express congratulations (e.g. marriage) or wishes (e.g. Christmas, birthday)
- to thank someone you know (e.g. for a gift)
- to show affection (to relatives and close friends)
DO NOT kiss:
- upon meeting or leaving someone you see everyday (except relatives)
- upon meeting someone for the first time
- in formal situations
Who kisses who (genders):
women kiss women, men kiss women, men may kiss men (relatives or close friends)
Number of kisses: 2 (standard) or 3
Starting from: the left cheek (your right)
Whom to kiss:
- relatives
- friends
- acquaintances (usually not upon first meeting)
DO kiss:
- upon meeting relatives (even every day, depends on people)
- upon meeting or leaving friends you haven't met or won't meet for a long time
- to express congratulations (e.g. marriage) or wishes (e.g. Christmas, birthday)
- to thank someone you know (e.g. for a gift)
- to show affection (to relatives and close friends)
DO NOT kiss:
- upon meeting or leaving someone you see everyday (except relatives)
- upon meeting someone for the first time
- in formal situations
More about Italy (with my personal experience)
I would like to write again about kissing in Italy. I am a little afraid that someone may have got from my previous post the idea that Italians rarely kiss on the cheeks. No, that's false. For example, if you meet a close relative, you may kiss every day, even if much depends on the person. My mother's mum kiss me everytime we meet, while my father's parents are more reserved and don't kiss me much.
This has a reason: one day, when I was a child, I stopped accepting and giving cheek kisses. I couldn't even see two people kiss. This might have been a reaction against two many kisses (you know, the affectionate noisy kisses that grannies and aunts give to children). Anyway, I went on until 14 years without kissing anybody. Then, I understood this would have been a problem in my life, so I started kissing people on the cheeks. Well, I don't kiss so many people because I am rather shy and don't know many girls (I have never found it easy to kiss male friends; I just kiss my father, grandfather and sometimes my uncles, but not that often), but I enjoy this gesture.
Back to my previous post, when I say that we don't kiss at first meeting, this is the rule: anyway that may happen, but mostly among young people, as cheek kissing is not very widespread among aged people. Personally, when I meet a girl for the first time, I shake her hand or simply say "hello, nice to meet you".
Another point about greeting in Italy is when we join a group of people. We usually don't kiss everybody, unless we are real friends or haven't met for a long time, and, if there are a lot of people, we just greet verbally (Ciao, "Hello", or Buongiorno, "Good morning"). In other countries, by contrast, you are seen as impolite if you don't greet each one of the people you meet (either by kissing or by shaking hands).
The "kissing on the cheeks" topic is far more complicated than one would think, isn't it?
Feel free to leave comments to my posts and to write about customs in your country (even outside Europe).
This has a reason: one day, when I was a child, I stopped accepting and giving cheek kisses. I couldn't even see two people kiss. This might have been a reaction against two many kisses (you know, the affectionate noisy kisses that grannies and aunts give to children). Anyway, I went on until 14 years without kissing anybody. Then, I understood this would have been a problem in my life, so I started kissing people on the cheeks. Well, I don't kiss so many people because I am rather shy and don't know many girls (I have never found it easy to kiss male friends; I just kiss my father, grandfather and sometimes my uncles, but not that often), but I enjoy this gesture.
Back to my previous post, when I say that we don't kiss at first meeting, this is the rule: anyway that may happen, but mostly among young people, as cheek kissing is not very widespread among aged people. Personally, when I meet a girl for the first time, I shake her hand or simply say "hello, nice to meet you".
Another point about greeting in Italy is when we join a group of people. We usually don't kiss everybody, unless we are real friends or haven't met for a long time, and, if there are a lot of people, we just greet verbally (Ciao, "Hello", or Buongiorno, "Good morning"). In other countries, by contrast, you are seen as impolite if you don't greet each one of the people you meet (either by kissing or by shaking hands).
The "kissing on the cheeks" topic is far more complicated than one would think, isn't it?
Feel free to leave comments to my posts and to write about customs in your country (even outside Europe).
Kissing in Italy
Since I am Italian, I will start with a post about the kissing practice in my country.
Although Italians are a Latin people, our kissing habit is a little different from that of the French, Spaniards, Portuguese or other peoples. This is certainly due to the cultural fragmentation of Italy. We became a united state in 1861, but we have never been (and probably we will never be) a united nation, whereas France, Spain, Portugal have been a nation for some centuries, so all French people have a common background, which is not true in Italy. Having been dominated by other peoples until 150 years ago has prevented us from forming a national identity.
So, coming back to the cheek-kissing, we usually (or mostly) exchange two kisses, starting from the left cheek (so from our right) and moving to the right cheek. This is the standard kissing custom. However, in Northern Italy, where I live, it is becoming more and more usual to add a third kiss (back to the first cheek, not on the mouth!). This may be a French influence, but I'm not sure. I don't know if the third kiss is also spreading across Southern Italy, because I have never been there.
However, what makes us quite different from our Latin cousins is the frequency of this gesture.
If we meet a person every day, even if it is a friend or someone we like, we don't kiss every day, but only on some circumstances. Moreover, if we are first introduced to a mutual friend, kissing on the cheek is not the rule (although it can be done).
In Italy women kiss both women and men, men kiss women but they can also kiss other men if they are relatives or good friends (or gays, ok!). Another difference between us and other Latins: here it is not at all impolite or rude to shake a woman's hand, for example when meeting for the first time. A woman can also shake another woman's hand, also in informal context. Instead, in Spain or France a woman always must kiss both men and women and shaking hands is considered as cold (I'm always talking about informal context; of course, when doing business or at work women can shake hands in those countries, too).
Well, I think this can be all about Italy for now.
Although Italians are a Latin people, our kissing habit is a little different from that of the French, Spaniards, Portuguese or other peoples. This is certainly due to the cultural fragmentation of Italy. We became a united state in 1861, but we have never been (and probably we will never be) a united nation, whereas France, Spain, Portugal have been a nation for some centuries, so all French people have a common background, which is not true in Italy. Having been dominated by other peoples until 150 years ago has prevented us from forming a national identity.
So, coming back to the cheek-kissing, we usually (or mostly) exchange two kisses, starting from the left cheek (so from our right) and moving to the right cheek. This is the standard kissing custom. However, in Northern Italy, where I live, it is becoming more and more usual to add a third kiss (back to the first cheek, not on the mouth!). This may be a French influence, but I'm not sure. I don't know if the third kiss is also spreading across Southern Italy, because I have never been there.
However, what makes us quite different from our Latin cousins is the frequency of this gesture.
If we meet a person every day, even if it is a friend or someone we like, we don't kiss every day, but only on some circumstances. Moreover, if we are first introduced to a mutual friend, kissing on the cheek is not the rule (although it can be done).
In Italy women kiss both women and men, men kiss women but they can also kiss other men if they are relatives or good friends (or gays, ok!). Another difference between us and other Latins: here it is not at all impolite or rude to shake a woman's hand, for example when meeting for the first time. A woman can also shake another woman's hand, also in informal context. Instead, in Spain or France a woman always must kiss both men and women and shaking hands is considered as cold (I'm always talking about informal context; of course, when doing business or at work women can shake hands in those countries, too).
Well, I think this can be all about Italy for now.
Why a blog about kissing on the cheeks?
I have become increasingly interested in the social act of kissing on the cheeks during my several summer holidays in France. France is one of the European countries where this gesture is most spread, but what makes it different from other European states is that the number of kisses changes from region to region and even from village to village.
So, I started studying this custom in the 1990s and, since then, I've kept looking at its practice in the European countries I have visited.
The main problem that justifies such a blog is that not all European peoples practise the cheek kissing the same way. Some exchange one kiss, some two kisses, some other three or more kisses. Furthermore, in some countries people kiss everytime they meet, whereas in others people never or rarely kiss.
This blog can be considered as the evolution of the Yahoo! group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kissing-cheeks-europe/, which has turned rather inactive lately. I will also post here what I have previously written in this discussion group or elsewhere.
I hope this blog will prove useful both to European visitors (to understand another element that adds on enriching our cultural diversity) and to non-European people (to learn about this custom which is unknown to some cultures).
Michele
So, I started studying this custom in the 1990s and, since then, I've kept looking at its practice in the European countries I have visited.
The main problem that justifies such a blog is that not all European peoples practise the cheek kissing the same way. Some exchange one kiss, some two kisses, some other three or more kisses. Furthermore, in some countries people kiss everytime they meet, whereas in others people never or rarely kiss.
This blog can be considered as the evolution of the Yahoo! group http://groups.yahoo.com/group/kissing-cheeks-europe/, which has turned rather inactive lately. I will also post here what I have previously written in this discussion group or elsewhere.
I hope this blog will prove useful both to European visitors (to understand another element that adds on enriching our cultural diversity) and to non-European people (to learn about this custom which is unknown to some cultures).
Michele
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